Friday, June 26, 2015

Marriage Equality in America








I am overjoyed.



Yes, I am straight, but this is still really special to me. I want to live to see the day where anybody can get married anywhere. Although, I probably wont live to see it. We still have a long battle ahead of us, but this is progress. 

I know this post was short, but it was really meaningful, at least for me.
Remember this day: Friday, June 26, 2015

If you haven't seen the 'Same Love' music video, then here is a link.



Same Love <3

Thursday, June 25, 2015

How I Deal With Anxiety and Panic Attacks



Before I begin this post, I am well aware that this is a very sensitive topic. And if you don't deal with anxiety then please be open minded about this post, and think of it as an opportunity to understand something a friend might be going through. But, if you are like me and you do deal with anxiety, then I hope I have helped you in some way.
And just know that this is a VERY personal topic for me, and all I want is to help people who have to deal with this. I even feel a bit panicky writing this, but if it helped just one person, then this was completely worth it, and I'm glad that I could help.

 Symptoms of a Panic Attack 
Some people get anxiety attacks, but others, like myself get a full on panic attack, which is different.  I tend to get both anxiety and panic attacks.  I'm not trying to put anxiety or panic on a scale, because both are scary as crap, and that's that. But here are symptoms of a panic attack.
  • Stomach sickness, because your digestive system literally starts shutting down.
  • Pins and needles, some people have gotten those.
  • I feel light headed at times.
  • Hyperventilation.
  • Adrenaline, because of the adrenaline some people think that they're going to have a heart attack, but let me assure you, that is not going to happen.
  • Hot flashes or cold flashes.
  • Nausea.
  • Sweating.
  • Chest pains, this happens because your heart is pumping a lot of blood while under adrenaline. 
  • I feel like I'm being intensely smothered or feeling extremely claustrophobic.
  • Trembling
When you start to have a panic attack, your "fight or flight" system kicks in. Your body basically thinks that its in some form of danger, even if you're perfectly fine. People with anxiety tend to have a much weaker empathetic nervous system. And at the very bottom of this post I will link some of the videos that explain the anatomy of a panic attack much better and in a lot more detail.

My Personal Experience with Anxiety
 What I think developed my anxiety, is the transition of middle school to high school. I've always hated change, I love routine, but in my mind I thought that sort of change was exceedingly drastic. Other people that I know of, didn't really have an issue like I did, (lucky them.) I was always a bit of an anxious child, but I think that the switch is the thing that set off my anxiety to a whole other level and made it an actual issue.
I remember at the beginning of the school year, I thought that I was going to fail all my classes and that I was going to be the worst student ever. I also thought that my peers were going to be star students who would never have any problems, they would always get good grades, never have a missing assignment, or have any troubles with taking tests.  I remember I would be super apprehensive in the halls and I would just straight up panic, with all the people and I still am sometimes. = During tests, I would plant so much pressure onto myself to the point that school wasn't really fun anymore. I would always be overwhelmed and I felt like a robot. At that point, school felt like something I had to do.  I didn't enjoy learning as I did before. Sometimes, I couldn't even be in the classroom without feeling like I was being watched or judged.  Over the course of the school year I eventually adapted to the new environment and coped with my anxiety.
Then more recently, this was more of a full on panic attack. Anyways, for Halloween my sister and a friend went to one of those haunted attractions and, in the car ride there I was so excited, as it was my first time. We get there and I payed for my ticket. The second I walked into the "haunted house" I HAD to get out as soon as possible. We walked into the second room and adrenaline was rushing through my veins, I felt very claustrophobic, I thought people were going to attack me, I couldn't breathe, so I left and my friend and sister went back in (I told them to) while I waited outside. While I was outside trying to breathe. They then told me to go into another haunted house because I payed my money for it, but I told them I didn't want to. I quote "why are you so scared? It's all fake and it's not too scary." So they go into another attraction, but they had a security guard watch me to make sure that I was okay. So I wander a little to my right and I see this cozy little fire pit and I talk with some people and there comes a creepy killer clown and I'm BEYOND TERRIFIED of clowns. I told him to go away but he kept coming closer. At this point, the other kids were urging him to "come get me". As I was running away I almost fell into the fire five times and all the other kids were completely shocked of my reaction. Then I had to run away in order to regulate my breathing. So the whole night was a giant anxiety attack (three whole hours) with little sprits of panic.

My Tips For Coping/Dealing with Anxiety
  1. If I start to feel a panic attack coming on then, I always try to take myself out of the situation. I get water, fresh air, somewhere quiet, or I like to go in an open space and spread out my arms and look up and tell myself,"you are not trapped and you are not being smothered, you are perfectly alright". People look at you a little odd, but that's okay.
  2. Light gentle exercise. I find that it distracts me, I'm not quite as anxious, and it puts my mind in a good place. I like to do simple yoga sequences. You can do it in your own living room, even if you Youtube some cheesy yoga videos.
  3. I get enough sleep. Sleep is good for your all around health, but I find that if I don't get enough sleep I have a particular anxious day.
  4. Have a calming playlist ready: this way if I'm ever feeling anxious I could block it out, listen to the music, think about the lyrics, and flashback to happy memories.
  5. When you're panicking, I know this is the last thing that you would think about, but it is quite important, think about your breathing. If you're breathing fast then, it makes your blood pump quicker through your body, which causes adrenaline. Breathing fast can also cause pins and needles, so try to regulate your breathing.
  6. Find ways to distract yourself from your anxiety. I use school work or baking to distract myself. And if I'm ever feeling anxious in class, I think, 'no, I'm going to focus on what my teacher is saying, as it is quite important,' just try to bat it out. Remember that at school you are not trapped, you have the complete right to walk out and get a drink of water and have a breather.
  7. Try to think happy thoughts about your surroundings. Like, "Oh wow, that lady looks lovely today," those kind of put my mind in a good place.

I hope this post benefitted you in some way. Having a panic attack is not fun, they are so terrible I wouldn't even wish one upon my worst enemy, not that I really have an enemies to wish one on.

Videos I found to be Helpful

 Zoella
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sjuk3WMZByo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-iNOFD27G4

KathleenLights
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDLjktRxJK4


Helpful Resources

With Samaritans.org, you can email them what's bothering you, in case you feel like you can't talk to your family or friends about it, and its completely confidential, and within 30 days the email is deleted permanently from the server, this way nobody can ever recover it. On the website, there is more information about how they work. They will email back pretty fast. Sorry this was pretty much the only helpful source I could find...
Just know that you are not alone, their are other people in this world who deals with Anxiety, Panic Disorder, Depression, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, etc.  You are not alone. There is somebody somewhere out there going through the same sort of situation. :)

Monday, June 1, 2015

Height Doesn't Define Beauty

So I was on Pinterest and I saw this Tumblr post and it made me realize that our world is turning against itself due to superficial nonsense.  It makes me so sad to see this. I saw this cute picture of  the "short girl, tall guy" trend, then I scroll down and see a girl comment "Too bad I'm tall..." :(
 Now before I go into depth about all the pictures and posts I've seen that I find offensive to us "vertically challenged", I want to describe my background with it and how it does affect me.

Growing up I was very petite. I had the smallest arms and legs and what felt like no height, but I never let it get to me. I never felt small, or had any reason to be self conscious about it. Meaning life was great, until the 3rd grade. I kid you not I was made fun of for being "too short", which is something out of my control. I honestly wish I was 5'5, but I'm not and I'm still learning to accept that about myself. A group of people bullied me for my height, and this of course affected, I went  from being in this perfect little world, were I didn't have to care about a thing, and in a split second all of that went crashing down. I still do feel self conscious, so thanks for that. Anyways, I am 5 feet and 3+1/2 inches tall, and people still call me short, and hold things above my head. And yes, I am aware that I am not the shortest person in the universe, but this isn't a competition on who is shortest.

One of the posts I saw said this, and I quote," Dear Short girls,     Stop being so selfish and stealing the tall guys! Save the 6 foot and up for those of us who can reach the top shelf without a step stool. We want to wear heels in public. Thank you, The amazons"
First of all the usage of grammar killed me deeply inside. Second of all, guys don't pick who they want to be with based off of someone's height and same for the girls. Third of all, we don't stop you from wearing heels in public. Fourth of all, we don't mean to be selfish and steal the guys. I mean sure that "short girl and tall guy" trend might be some of the reasons that most relationships following that pattern exist, but it's not the only reason those people want to be with each other. Yeah, maybe they genuinely care for each other. *face palm* Fifth of all, this was mocking me by saying, "Save the tall guys for those of us who can reach the top shelf without the step stool," I never chose to be short. Yes, I chose to have a condition with 1 of 3000 chances of getting.

As I mentioned before, I never asked to be short and I'm still currently trying to accept that about myself. I was born with a  condition that made me this way. I grew because I had needles injected into my arm, leg, or stomach. This costed my parents a great deal of money they could have used to pay for a treat to themselves.

Back in the seventh grade, I was friends with this one girl and we both did ballet. She had the most beautiful long arms and legs. I thought that every inch of her was graceful and elegant. I thought she was really good because her legs were so long. And all of the sudden our society shifts and we believe that, "short girls are the best girls" (I quote Channing Tatum) . But what about the tall beautiful., graceful, elegant girls?

The whole idea of this blog post is to say that no matter what your height is you're still beautiful. For the tall girls, you are just as beautiful and cute as the short girls. Don't feel the need to compromise your height for a boy either. For the short girls, there are plenty of perks of being short, like when playing hide and seek its easier to hide in small places. And when flying on an airplane, you have more leg room.

We are all beautiful, but our minds have been clouded by superficial nonsense that makes us think otherwise.